m_of_disguise (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
m_of_disguise) wrote2017-11-07 02:08 pm
m_of_disguise) wrote2017-11-07 02:08 pm
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I think I've finally figured out why my eye has been twitching for the past few weeks. Ever since the wedding, I've stepped up efforts to find a place to move to. I don't make a lot of take-home pay (I'd be fine if there weren't a bunch of mandatory deductions, which equal about 25% of what I earn) so my budget for a place is really small.
We toured one place last weekend, just at the top of the budget. It was a decent apartment, but the neighborhood was sort of scary. And I've never, ever, wanted to live in an apartment. The thought of living in a box connected to people in another box is majorly depressing to me. Just standing in that apartment was already making me depressed.
So, I started looking at houses for rent. There is nothing in our price range. Most places around here start at $1200/month, which would 3/4 of my monthly pay. Anything under that is in a very stabby neighborhood, is too small, or it's practically falling down.
I stretched the budget a little and found a house that looked promising, but trying to figure out the math to juggle all the current bills and then pay for that place started to make me feel panicked, so I cancelled the tour we had scheduled.
M is no help at all. He isn't working right now, despite me practically begging him to find a part-time job. He gets so completely stressed out when he has to work and go to school at the same time that he just shuts down, which makes me angry because I was working part-time, running my own business, keeping up with my hobbies, keeping up a social life, and going to school full-time when I was enrolled. It's making me resentful, which is Not Good. But when he has a mental breakdown because life isn't going exactly his way (he's literally told me "I used to want something and I'd get it, and now that it's not happening it's messing me up"), I get annoyed and angry because I feel like he's being childish and immature.
I feel stressed and alone. I think I'm going to wait another couple of months, save up some more, and then try looking again. But this is killing me. I need this year to end.
We toured one place last weekend, just at the top of the budget. It was a decent apartment, but the neighborhood was sort of scary. And I've never, ever, wanted to live in an apartment. The thought of living in a box connected to people in another box is majorly depressing to me. Just standing in that apartment was already making me depressed.
So, I started looking at houses for rent. There is nothing in our price range. Most places around here start at $1200/month, which would 3/4 of my monthly pay. Anything under that is in a very stabby neighborhood, is too small, or it's practically falling down.
I stretched the budget a little and found a house that looked promising, but trying to figure out the math to juggle all the current bills and then pay for that place started to make me feel panicked, so I cancelled the tour we had scheduled.
M is no help at all. He isn't working right now, despite me practically begging him to find a part-time job. He gets so completely stressed out when he has to work and go to school at the same time that he just shuts down, which makes me angry because I was working part-time, running my own business, keeping up with my hobbies, keeping up a social life, and going to school full-time when I was enrolled. It's making me resentful, which is Not Good. But when he has a mental breakdown because life isn't going exactly his way (he's literally told me "I used to want something and I'd get it, and now that it's not happening it's messing me up"), I get annoyed and angry because I feel like he's being childish and immature.
I feel stressed and alone. I think I'm going to wait another couple of months, save up some more, and then try looking again. But this is killing me. I need this year to end.