Life Update

[m_of_disguise]

Sort of dropped off the map for a while. I developed pretty severe depression after starting my new position, to the point where there were days I didn't even get out of bed. I've been slowly pulling out of it, and I've had several pretty good days in a row which is a relief. For a long time I thought I just had some mild, situational depression,  but looking back, I can see that I've been fighting this for a long time now, for at least a couple of years now. I've started investigating therapists available through my health insurance, but it's hard to know what to look for, and I'm so anxious about opening up to a professional. But, I'm taking steps forward, so I feel like I'm heading in the right direction.

I've had to change my entire outlook on my current job. I thought it was going to be a job I would have for a while, which is why it felt so devastating when they pulled the rug out, but now I've just had to start thinking of this like the jobs I had while I was in school - temporary and unimportant. I've been using up the vacation time I had saved to take days off here and there for evening archaeology lectures, which has made things feel much less confining. The next lecture is about a scientific analysis done on the famous Nefertiti bust, which I'm really excited for!

Unfortunately, because  of the job stuff, I decided to cancel all of my travel plans for the time being. I cancelled the places I had reserved for our Paris trip (thankfully we hadn't booked our airfare yet), and I didn't bother registering for CoCo, so it's of the table now, too. I thought I would be more upset, but it's more of a relief than anything. Maybe next year I'll feel more like interacting with the human world again.

House hunt is on hold, so we're working on turning our room into a short of studio apartment. I'm clearing out my sewing corner so we can make it into a kitchenette with a mini-fridge, microwave, and maybe a Keurig. We keep eating fast food because we don't feel able to use the kitchen to cook, and I really miss vegetables! I can't wait to have a place to store things like lettuce and yogurt. I've never missed salads so much in my life!

Comments

[danabren]

Solidarity on "looking back and realizing you have been dealing with depression" thing.

One day at a time, good on you for looking for help, cancelling plans and taking deep breaths.

[nuranar]

It's good to hear from you again. And I think it's very wise to cancel the travel plans. At least for me, while costume travel is great, it's extremely stressful. Finances and a huge amount of sewing, in addition to social anxiety. Considering where you are right now, with job and with depression, I am honestly applauding this decision on all levels. I'm hoping that this relief will carry through into all areas of life. Enjoy your break! And good luck on the kitchenette.

[mandie_rw]

Good to hear from you! I'm sorry the job is bringing you down, but I'm glad you're taking some steps to talk to a therapist. You can do it! :)

And yeah, sadly I think you're making the right decision to cancel the travel plans. Especially since you feel more relief than regret. And events will still be around when you're able to do them again!

[padawansguide]

Hugs! Hang in there!

[brickhousewench]

I've started investigating therapists available through my health insurance, but it's hard to know what to look for, and I'm so anxious about opening up to a professional.

Look for a therapist who specializes in depression, if that's what you think you need to work on.

When I wanted to look for a therapist, I asked the only person I knew who was in therapy for advice. He told me that he went shopping for therapists and interviewed ten before he found someone he liked. It had never occurred to me to comparison shop, but that’s what I did. I called our employee assistance plan for a listing of therapists, called around and found three who were taking new patients and scheduled appointments with all of them.

You can read about my adventures here.
https://brickhousewench.dreamwidth.org/384637.html

[jaelie]

I'm so glad you're deciding to get help. You can do this! Also, good luck with your kitchenette. Preparing your own food will certainly be more affordable than eating out.